Posted by: riverchilde | August 16, 2013

The obnoxious guest

As the days to Tori’s return to college count down, I find myself acutely missing Alex. I’ve had a wonderful gift of a summer with Tori–so many unexpected adventures and moments of bonding. But Alex’s absence has begun to tear at me. I miss his hugs, his smile, his eyes, his teasing and most of all his unique sense of humor. And yet the pain helps me hold him closer in memory. It was all too easy in the deep engagements this summer to hold him at arm’s length away from me and use other relationships to fill the emotional hole of his loss. But it’s not easy to embrace grief’s return. So many times I think–do I really have to walk the ground of this particular memory yet another time? Can’t I be done with lingering over the details of that particular moment? I want to move on, to live my life to the fullest, to be surrounded by the deep joy that Life brings. And yet I feel I must learn to appreciate the gifts that grief brings, for it brings Alex back to me in vivid ways that I have been afraid I would lose over time.


Grief is like a noxious guest–smelly, rude, overbearing, irritating and presumptuous–who surprisingly leaves behind an annotated photo album triggering memories of your and your parents’ youth that you didn’t know you possessed and brings them back with a vividness you’ve never experienced before. Do you want that guest to come back? Not really. And yet you wonder what else you might discover if he did.



  1. wow, what a vivid metaphor for this… I’m going to share it with others! and know that you remain in my prayers…

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