Posted by: riverchilde | October 9, 2012

The tasks of grief

To all of you who are wrestling with the loss of someone beloved, as I know many in our community are (particularly the youth who knew Alex well), here is a  Grief Toolkit that my daughter shared with me:

For so many of you, you are doing this work alone because everyone acts like you should be over the loss by now, and you can’t figure out what it means to be “over it.” Does that mean you don’t cry anymore? Does it mean that you aren’t slapped in the face every day by the gaping hole that the one you cared about once occupied in your life? Does it mean that you’ve tucked all the pain into a back pocket of your life where maybe you can forget about it like a stray stick of gum?

To know that there are not just stages of grief, but road markers that help you understand where you are going and where you have been with your grief–that is a relief. And a gift. Because it is frightening to be wandering alone on this road, not knowing where it might lead and if you’ll ever actually get to a place that isn’t defined by stabbing pain.

Know that you are not alone. We are there with you, all of us who grieve the loss of someone we knew and cared about. Let us walk hand in hand together, knowing that as we walk, we are growing stronger and that there is something more we can do with our grief than simply try to avoid it.

May God bless your work as you use these tasks to not only heal, but to build a new, vibrant relationship with the one you lost.

Artwork credit:



  1. thank you for your words

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