Posted by: riverchilde | June 28, 2012

The visual voice of grief

Those of you familiar with the world of Harry Potter will probably recall the portrait of Sirius Black’s mother, which goes off on a screaming fit every time she is disturbed. Ever since my son died, a woman like that lives in the back of my head.

Shopping expeditions set her off the worst. Everywhere I look, there are reminders of Alex. Legos, duct tape, swim apparel, Nerf guns, a deck of cards, the list goes on and on. Each and every one sets of the screaming woman in the back of my head. Sometimes I wish someone would give her a tranquilizer. But really, I’m grateful for her. She carries the heavy emotional load when I’m out in public and must maintain a sane and composed façade. 

I’m told that grieving people often feel like they are going crazy. I’m lucky, I guess. I’ve got the screaming lady to do the crazy for me. 

Credit for the perfect photo of Walburga Black goes to



  1. I am glad you have the screaming lady to help with the grief! We experience the same grief while shopping and see the things Alex loved, and I am sure your grief is multiplied more than I can imagine. Each time this happens to us, I think back to the movie Courageous and remind myself (and my children) to be thankful for the wonderful moments we got to enjoy dear Alex rather than be resentful for the future moments that he will not be present here with us.

  2. You write so vividly that I can imagine what this feels like — and would prefer not to ever experience it. I hope other people who have lost children find their way to your blog, because I suspect you give voice to something they would cherish because they would know they are not alone.

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